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Hypothetical 2011-2012 Detroit Pistons schedule in 82 sentences


If the NBA technically had players right now to play the games, this is how the schedule would look. Here is the full Pistons schedule.

But hey, even with the inevitability that the lockout will likely cause some of these games to never be played, who wants to think about that? So here’s PistonPowered’s annual one-sentence thoughts on each game of the Pistons schedule.

Wednesday, Nov. 2 vs Indiana   7:30pm

What a great opener, considering both teams nearly won 60 games last season. -Dan Feldman

Saturday, Nov. 5 @ New Jersey   12:00pm

Hopefully the new coach won’t lose the locker room in New Jersey … again. -Patrick Hayes

Sunday, Nov. 6 vs New York   7:00pm

Chauncey returns, Pistons fans mope. -D.F.

Wednesday, Nov. 9 @ Golden State   10:30pm

Joe Dumars tells anyone who will listen, ‘See, when you compare him to Mark Jackson, Michael Curry wasn’t that inexperienced when I hired him.’ -P.H.

Saturday, Nov. 12 @ Portland   10:00pm (NBA TV)

If the Pistons still haven’t won by the end of this game, it will be their worst start since the 2010-11 season. -D.F.

Sunday, Nov. 13 @ LA Lakers 9:30pm

In a show of respect toward beloved former coach John Kuester, the Pistons will skip the morning shootaround. -P.H.

Tuesday Nov. 15 vs Phoenix   7:30pm

Steve Nash trade rumors should be heating up by now – D.F.

Friday, Nov. 18 vs Atlanta   8:00pm

Will this be Mike Woodson’s reunion with his former team? -P.H.

Sunday, Nov. 20 vs Indiana   6:00pm

With another game against a 60-win-caliber team already, I hope the Pistons can maintain their confidence. – D.F.

Tuesday Nov. 22 @ Indiana   7:00pm

I don’t like three meetings against the Pacers so early in the season – what if both teams are competing for the division title in April? -P.H.

Wednesday, Nov. 23 vs Portland   7:30pm

Oh, great, the Pistons play Portland twice early, the only time of the year Greg Oden might be healthy. -D.F.

Friday, Nov. 25 vs Washington   8:00pm

Flip Saunders thanks his former team for preventing last year’s Wizards from getting ‘most dysfunctional team in the league’ honors. -P.H.

Sunday, Nov. 27 vs Boston   1:30pm

Tough-guy Kevin Garnett will call Charlie Villanueva “smallpox to your team and our league.”

Tuesday Nov. 29 @ Memphis   8:00pm

The game recap will be filled with comments suggesting the Pistons were totally stupid to not trade Tayshaun Prince for Zach Randolph. -P.H.

Wednesday, Nov. 30 @ New Orleans 8:00pm

If David West leaves in free agency, the Hornets would be awfully thin behind Chris Paul. -D.F.

Friday, Dec. 2 vs Houston   8:00pm

Head coaches Kevin McHale and Bill Laimbeer renew their 1980s rivalry. -P.H.

Sunday, Dec. 4 vs Miami   6:00pm

The 2012 NBA champions make their first appearance at The Palace. -D.F.

Wednesday, Dec. 7 @ Milwaukee   8:00pm

Joe Dumars and John Hammond try to decide which twosomes were bigger career killers: Charlie Villanueva/Ben Gordon or Drew Gooden/John Salmons. -P.H.

Friday, Dec. 9 vs Minnesota   8:00pm

As long as your expectations are reasonable, Ricky Rubio will be a success. -D.F.

Saturday, Dec. 10 vs Chicago   7:30pm

Brandon Knight should be just as good as Derrick Rose by this game, right? -P.H.

Monday, Dec. 12 @ Oklahoma City 8:00pm

Someone will compare Austin Daye to a young Kevin Durant – even though Daye is older. -D.F.

Wednesday, Dec. 14 @ San Antonio 8:30pm

If Antonio McDyess sticks with his planned retirement, you can go back to hating the Spurs now. -P.H.

Friday, Dec. 16 vs LA Clippers 8:00pm

If Tayshaun Prince and Chris Kaman aren’t playing in this game, for the Clippers and Pistons respectively, something might have gone wrong. -D.F.

Sunday, Dec. 18 vs Orlando   7:00pm (NBA TV)

The two most perimeter-heavy teams in the league battle. -P.H.

Tuesday Dec. 20 vs Utah   7:30pm

I’m sure Brandon Knight will want revenge against the team everybody thought would draft him, but I’m not so sure he’ll be ready to make the Jazz pay. -D.F.

Wednesday, Dec. 21 @ Toronto   7:00pm

If only the Pistons had an athletic, shot-blocking, young forward like Amir Johnson to pair with Greg Monroe. -P.H.

Friday, Dec. 23 @ Orlando   7:00pm

Remember when the Pistons were the only team that could keep Dwight Howard in check? -D.F.

Monday, Dec. 26 @ Indiana   7:00pm

The league scheduling four games vs. Indiana before 2012 has caused PistonPowered writers to run out of Indiana jokes. -P.H.

Wednesday, Dec. 28 vs Cleveland   7:30pm

Before the game, I will write a post re-evaluating the Dan Gilbert-Tom Gores comparison – in Comic Sans. -D.F.

Friday, Dec. 30 @ Boston   7:30pm

Enforcer Kevin Garnett will start a new feud, picking one of the biggest, baddest Pistons: Austin Daye. -P.H.

Wednesday, Jan. 4 @ Miami   7:30pm

With four days off to prepare for the Heat, maybe the Pistons can come within 15. -D.F.

Friday, Jan. 6 @ Philadelphia   7:00pm

Doug Collins will spend the game starting back and forth between Evan Turner in warmups on his bench and Greg Monroe getting a double-double on the court. -P.H.

Saturday, Jan. 7 vs Boston   7:30pm

JaJuan Johnson is my pick for the sleep of the draft, and by now, we should have an idea whether I’m right. -D.F.

Tuesday Jan. 10 @ Charlotte   7:00pm

By this point in the season, Brandon Knight will have clearly proven he was a better pick than Kemba Walker. -P.H.

Friday, Jan. 13 vs Atlanta   8:00pm

I heard the Hawks want to dump Josh Smith, so how about Jason Maxiell and Vernon Macklin for him? -D.F.

Sunday, Jan. 15 vs Golden State 6:00pm

Pistons fans will say that Ben Gordon, if used right, is just as good as Monta Ellis. -P.H.

Wednesday, Jan. 18 @ Minnesota   8:00pm

Please hire Don Nelson, please hire Don Nelson, please hire Don Nelson. -D.F.

Friday, Jan. 20 vs New Jersey 8:00pm

Brook Lopez will average 23 rebounds per game against the Pistons, four rebounds per game against the rest of the league. -P.H.

Saturday, Jan. 21 vs Philadelphia   7:30pm

If the Pistons had hired Doug Collins instead of John Kuester, Collins would be burned out and resigned by now. -D.F.

Monday, Jan. 23 @ Dallas   8:30pm

Last season’s win over Dallas proves the Pistons are close to title contention. -P.H.

Wednesday, Jan. 25 @ Houston   8:00pm

Confused by playing Markieff Morris and the Suns earlier in the season, the veteran-savvy Pistons will use the wrong gameplan against Marcus Morris. -D.F.

Friday, Jan. 27 vs Oklahoma City 8:00pm

Rodney Stuckey will continue to build his reputation as the Russell Westbrook stopper. -P.H.

Saturday, Jan. 28 @ Philadelphia   7:00pm

Ah, Philadelphia, the site of so many fond Pistons memories. -D.F.

Monday, Jan. 30 @ Milwaukee   8:00pm

John Hammond will finally relent and agree with Joe Dumars that Gordon/Villanueva are the bigger career killers. -P.H.

Tuesday Jan. 31 @ New York 7:30pm

If former Knicks president Dave Checketts is still working for the Pistons at this point, I’ll be fairly worried about the organization. -D.F.

Friday, Feb. 3 vs Milwaukee 8:00pm

Carlos Delfino will score 12 points off the bench, followed by every Piston fan contemplating a Delfino/Arron Afflalo shooting-guard rotation. -P.H.

Saturday, Feb. 4 vs New Orleans 7:30pm

If the NBA follows the 1999 lockout’s calendar (oh, please no), the regular season would start tomorrow. -D.F.

Monday, Feb. 6 @ New Jersey 7:30pm

As the trade deadline approaches, the Nets will try to entice the Magic into giving up Dwight Howard by packaging Travis Outlaw and Brook Lopez. -P.H.

Wednesday, Feb. 8 vs Dallas   7:30pm

If you haven’t read Jakob Eich’s fantastic piece about Dirk Nowitzki and Germany, you should right now. -D.F.

Friday, Feb. 10 vs Denver   8:00pm

At what point does the annual Arron Afflalo homecoming become more depressing to fans than the Chauncey Billups homecoming? -P.H.

Sunday, Feb. 12 vs San Antonio 6:00pm

Three straight games against good teams without a back-to-back should, in the slight chance it’s necessary, give the Pistons a legitimate chance to show they’re the real deal. –D.F.

Tuesday Feb. 14 vs New Jersey 7:30pm

Zero people will fantasize about what could’ve been had the Pistons successfully acquired Johan Petro last season. -P.H.

Wednesday, Feb. 15 @ Boston   7:30pm

You know NBA teams always play hard on middle-of-the-week back-to-backs on the road. -D.F.

Friday, Feb. 17 vs Sacramento   8:00pm

Jimmer Fredette + DeMarcus Cousins + Tyreke Evans has serious Mad Real World potential. -P.H.

Sunday, Feb. 19 vs Toronto   6:00pm

I’m sure Brandon Knight will want revenge against the team everybody thought would draft him if he was available, and maybe by now, he’ll be ready to make the Raptors pay. -D.F.

Tuesday Feb. 21 @ Cleveland   7:00pm

“Cavs win and get one step closer to that title,” /stuff Dan Gilbert says. -P.H.

Wednesday, Feb. 22 @ Washington   7:00pm

Chances I attend this game: 80 percent. -D.F.

Tuesday Feb. 28 vs Philadelphia   7:30pm

Will Austin Daye show enough improvement this season to make the fact that the Pistons passed on Jrue Holiday (among others) to draft him irrelevant? -P.H.

Wednesday, Feb. 29 @ Atlanta   7:30pm

OK, fine, how about how about Jason Maxiell, Vernon Macklin and a protected second-round pick for Josh Smith? -D.F.

Saturday, March 3 @ Chicago   8:00pm

Will Rip Hamilton be playing for the Bulls by now? -P.H.

Sunday, March 4 vs Memphis   7:00pm

Remember when Zach Randolph wanted to play for the Pistons, before he realized they couldn’t/wouldn’t offer $71 million? -D.F.

Tuesday March 6 vs Toronto   7:30pm

The Pistons showed only moderate interest in Dwayne Casey, my pick to be the best coaching hire of the offseason. -P.H.

Friday, March 9 vs LA Lakers 8:00pm

I really hope Darius Morris has worked his way into the Lakers’ rotation by now. -D.F.

Saturday, March 10 vs Charlotte   7:30pm

Michael Jordan was caught on video dunking at age 48 this week, making his NBA comeback attempt inevitable, right? -P.H.

Monday, March 12 @ Utah   9:00pm

If Brandon Knight isn’t capable of putting a dent in the Jazz by now, even if he doesn’t necessarily wow in this particular game, I’ll be fairly worried. -D.F.

Wednesday, March 14 @ Sacramento   10:00pm

Sacramento is my pick in this year’s Detroit Pistons most-likely-to-boycott-a-shootaround pool. -P.H.

Friday, March 16 @ Phoenix   10:00pm

Six-to-one odds: Alvin Gentry will be fired by now. -D.F.

Sunday, March 18 @ LA Clippers 3:30pm

Will Tayshaun Prince be a Clipper when the Pistons play in L.A.? -P.H.

Wednesday, March 21 @ Denver   9:00pm

When the Nuggets struggle (relative to recent years) this season, how will Dave Berri criticize Carmelo Anthony?

Friday, March 23 vs Cleveland   8:00pm

How long before Kyrie Irving pulls a Jason Kidd and realizes he’s smarter than Byron Scott? -P.H.

Saturday, March 24 @ New York 7:30pm

Amar’e Stoudemire will come off the bench to ensure he doesn’t play until Shabbat officially ends. -D.F.

Monday, March 26 @ Washington   7:00pm

John Calipari will send a tape of the Brandon Knight-John Wall matchup to every Kentucky recruit. -P.H.

Wednesday, March 28 @ Cleveland   7:00pm

If Brandon Knight-Kyre Irving is an intriguing matchup by now, that will be a success. -D.F.

Friday, March 30 @ Chicago   8:00pm

Will Kyle Singler be as good as Brian Scalabrine? -P.H.

Saturday, March 31 vs Charlotte   7:30pm

Will Detroit’s Bismack Biyombo fever have died down by now? -D.F.

Tuesday April 3 vs Orlando   7:30pm

Richard Hamilton and Gilbert Arenas will compete this season for the guy-stuck-on-the-roster-of-a-team-that-awkwardly-doesn’t-want-him award. -P.H.

Friday, April 6 vs Washington   8:00pm

Over-under of 0.5: number of John Wall, JaVale McGee, Andray Blatche and Nick Young who’ve figured out how to produce efficiently in the NBA by this point.

Sunday, April 8 @ Miami   6:00pm

If Prince is not on the Pistons, is anyone else terrified at what happens if the Pistons try to defend LeBron James with an Austin Daye/Kyle Singler combo? -P.H.

Monday, April 9 @ Orlando   7:00pm

By this point, the Magic’s future could look worse than the Pistons’. -D.F.

Friday, April 13 vs Milwaukee   8:00pm (ESPN)

The Pistons get one ESPN game this season, and here it is against Milwaukee (and I’d be willing to bet, without even looking, that the Bucks get only one ESPN game this season, top). -P.H.

Sunday, April 15 vs Chicago   6:00pm

Winner gets the Central Division title (because the Bulls will win and already have the division secure). -D.F.

Wednesday, April 18 @ Charlotte   8:00pm

By now, doctors will have determined Bismack Biyombo is actually 38-years-old … so the Pistons really dodged a bullet. -P.H.